In Denmark she went through three doctors as she was giving birth. In Thailand her doctor stayed with her through the entire experience. This is Charlotte Christensen’s story of the difference between giving birth in Thailand and Denmark
Charlotte Christensen is 40 years old and has three children. Two of them were born in Denmark, but the last was born in Bangkok, Thailand. Charlotte Christensen had a very good experience giving birth in Thailand, which has made her reflect on her experiences in Denmark, and in general the Danish way of viewing childbirth. While giving birth in Thailand she got to see the differences that appear. Differences in how the hospital system works and how the different culture plays a factor on how to handle a situation as crucial and tough as childbirth.
To be a family abroad was always in the cards
Currently Charlotte Christensen is employed as a security advisor for the Danish Embassy in Bangkok. This is however not her first time stationed abroad. Due to her education as a language officer, she has been stationed in various countries, and the life abroad with her family was something she and her husband both wanted.
She was working for the Danish Ministry of Foreign Affairs in Copenhagen when the option for a job as a security advisor in Bangkok showed up. She hesitated a bit more than she expected when the opportunity appeared:
“I was a mom of two children at that point. That just makes the world a lot more dangerous than before,” she explains.
Moving to a new country with two young children was a big decision. And in the beginning Charlotte and her husband agreed to mentally prepare to be in Bangkok for a year. However, They found a nice apartment, the children were in great institutions, and though it took a while to adjust, Charlotte started to see all the amazing things Bangkok had to offer.
So, they decided to stay longer than the initial one-year limit, and eventually the thought of a third child appeared.
A whole different approach
The Thai system when you’re pregnant is very different from the Danish model, Charlotte Christensen quickly discovered. In Denmark, partly due to the fact that the Danish system has a notorious reputation of overworking their nurses and doctors, you take the guidance you can get and try your best not to stress the personnel further.
In Thailand, where many hospitals are in the private sector, you get a very different treatment.
“I was offered all these different packages as to how I wanted my birth handled. Did I want skin to skin, did I want the baby to be washed first,” Charlotte explains.
A very different experience than in Denmark.
One of the most important things in the Thai system, Charlotte Christensen underlines, is to find a doctor you feel comfortable with, and who speaks English well:
“I spoke to many women in the international community and got recommendations from them”.
Charlotte found a doctor she felt comfortable with, and who immediately said that she would stay with her through her entire labor, which is normal in the Thai hospital system.
To have someone who cares
“I asked her, what if it takes 20 hours? Because my previous births in Denmark lasted up to 24 hours, and I ended up having three different midwives during the birth. However, my Thai OB convincingly stated that she would surely be there for me,”Charlotte says and continues “and I know it was because Danish doctors have certain working hours so they don’t work for that much time in a row, where they just organize it differently in the Thai hospitals”.
This put a bit of calmness into Charlotte’s mind in case it would turn into another difficult labor. And it did.
Even though Charlotte Christensen had a strong desire to give birth naturally, the circumstances just weren’t in her favor.
“The doctor and the nurses really tried to make it possible for me. At some point the nurses placed their hands on my belly and started making these yelling noises along with me,” Charlotte says and continues “I was shocked first, but quickly understood that this was their way of assisting me”.
Looking back on it Charlotte Christensen shakes her head at the experience agreeing in the fact that something like that never would have happened in Denmark, but also acknowledging that she actually felt like it gave her strength. That she wasn’t alone in the experience.
The Thai empathy
“There is a fundamental difference between the Danish way of observing a new mother and the Thai way of doing so,” Charlotte states as she leans forward on the table, unintentionally showing how this part of the conversation is important to her.
“In Denmark there is a big focus on the baby, which is good, but in Thailand they also have a lot of focus on the mother. I don’t have to prove or do anything more. I just had a baby. That is achievement enough to earn me some rest and breathing time to comprehend what just happened,” she explains.
She continues by explaining that in the Thai system you stay at the hospital for a couple of days recovering. The nurses take care of the baby, which is brought to you when it needs to be fed, but it sleeps in a different room.
“For me this created space to digest what I had just gone through. A birth can be dramatic and the last one, ending in an emergency c-section, was really dramatic for me and my husband,” she explains.
With her first child Charlotte was almost overwhelmed with the responsibility. Just having experienced her first childbirth and then immediately having responsibility for her child without a moment to breathe. In Bangkok they took a different approach:
“I was getting praise just because I had given birth. They recognized how that was an achievement in itself, and I needed that” she says.
Crashing is normal in Denmark
“Giving birth is a big thing, and I think that we have a tendency in Denmark to just expect that we are supposed to just keep going and be able to handle it,” she says.
She continues to explain how it is a well-known phenomenon that new mothers crash on the fourth or fifth day after getting home. Charlotte Christensen did as well after one of her previous births:
“Well of course! The way the setup is at home, you easily forget yourself. You are supposed to be able to leave the hospital 4 hours after giving birth, and suddenly you are. You stagger home with a huge, bleeding wound in an oversized diaper, hormones and adrenaline keep you going. You feel a bit high and capable of anything, and you have people coming over to see the baby. But, really you should just stay in bed, and that’s what the setup in Thailand and, I believe, in Asia generally is designed around”.
In Bangkok the nurse brought Charlotte her daughter Filippa and helped her make sure the breastfeeding was working. She stayed for multiple days and felt well taken care of.
“I was so grateful for these nurses and the hospital staff in general, that I almost felt like I needed to give them something in return when I left”, Charlotte says.
It is important for Charlotte Christensen to underline the fact that there surely would have been similar postpartum care initiated in Denmark after an emergency c-section, so it is difficult to compare directly.
“But, I do still have the feeling that the whole setup in Thailand is more centered on both mother’s and baby’s well-being and recovery,” she says.
A Scandinavian super mom is super tired
Charlotte Christensen feels as if the Danish society has created these too demanding expectations for new mothers:
“You are supposed to be able to give birth and then sit the next day, or two days after, looking completely normal, drinking coffee with your family and friends”
In that regard, Asian culture appeals more to her. Where the focus isn’t solely on the baby, but that the mothers well-being is also acknowledged as an important factor.
“We would not have had a third child if we had still been living in Denmark,” she states without hesitation and continues to explain.
There are many factors as to why Charlotte Christensen wanted a third child, but Bangkok was one of the main ones.
“The life we have created for ourselves here just makes it possible,” Charlotte explains.
The surplus of energy her and her husband has in their day to day life in Bangkok was paramount for her wanting another kid.
“If we ever moved back to Denmark I would want to stop working. At least for a while, to make sure that we could maintain this amount of energy and time that we have for each other and the family.”
It really comes down to empathy. Charlotte truly felt that she went through the third pregnancy and birth in the best medical hands she could’ve asked for. She found that the Thai health care system was built on priorities that suited her better. This included what seemed to be a more empathetic mindset.
